Why I don't believe in Girl Code

According to MTV's Girl Code Show, There's a sisterhood that women share, and its tenet is simple: We're in this together! Surviving the wonders and woes of the female sex, however, demands that its members abide by the "code" because, you know, starting a catfight on the dance floor or cutting a bathroom line is not cool. 

I am here to say Girl Code doesn't exist for me. I grew up in downtown Yonkers NY. I moved around a lot because my parents separated at one point, my mom lived in one part of Yonkers my dad lived in another part. I realized early on I wasn't like most girls I didn't like dresses or anything "girly." Most of my friends were boys, I liked to climb and play football.

I don't believe in girl code because no girl I knew actually stuck by it. The only time the stupid code was used was when girls ganged up to harass me or when I "violated it." A perfect example is the mess I found myself when I met my now husband. 

I was the sole female promoter on the team. I don't remember meeting him the first time since I was drunk on jack shots. That night at Rosewood I had snuck in a personal bottle and continued buying drinks. He was throwing a big party and I was helping him promote. To be honest, I wasn't interested in him like that, since I didn't stalk his Facebook and the pictures I saw did not make him attractive. He looked average at the most. He called me one night and asked where could he "blaze." I told him he could go by my house. I had been out partying and had a guy there with me and he was tripping. Everyone at the party was tripping and I wasn't in that type of mood. I said yes because after all I really wanted to smoke some bud. 

A couple of hours later there he was. I looked at him and realized man this guy is handsome and I loved his smile. I kept telling him he was cute in front of the guy I had brought home. He rolled a blunt we smoked. We went to have breakfast and said bye to everyone but him. That following week we spent it promoting the party at different places. His friends knew we liked one another and tried to get us together.  I had no idea he had a girlfriend no one spoke of her. And I did not stalk his Facebook. We had spent the last two days together and after rolling a blunt he finally came clean. I kinda knew that he was taken. I told him to leave me alone. Days later he emerged saying they had a fight and she knew about me. 

She gave me the blessing to date him.  For that I respected her and wished her the best. I don't believe in girl code because once she saw he was serious about me and found out through Facebook (I will explain later). I had slept over his house without her "permission", she sent me nasty text messages. I was drunk off whiskey and didn't feel like saying I was sorry for falling in love with a wonderful man. She even posted a meme on Facebook of a meme posted earlier that summer in an effort to humiliate me.  It was a picture of me in lingerie showing a little pubic hair and some nipple. I aready had dealt with it and made my own meme. What's worst is she told people I said I wanted to fight her because I was a "hood rat" but failed to mention she threatened me and him as well.  Her true racist colors came out when she threatened to call immigration on me. I laughed out loud knowing I was my whole family legally here. 

The thing is she failed to tell people that he pursued me.  He was her boyfriend so I never understood why she hated me. She should have hated him first and me second. I wasn't dating her he was. I didn't owe her anything. Once he told me he had a girlfriend I stopped calling him. He continued to look for me. They broke up and so it began with days of phone calls. I spoke to him for hours on the phone. I connected with him in a way I never thought was possible. I always thought no one would ever take my ex's place. But there I was like a school girl every night waiting by the phone for him to call me. 

And then it happened, he stopped texting me and calling. I thought let me leave him alone. But I knew something was wrong. I was an event that I had planned with our mutual friends. 

He broke up with me and for the first time since my ex I was hurt. This hurt more than my ex who I was with for four years. I told him "You will never find another woman like me." I left him alone deleted him off facebook and went on a rampage. I had given him my Facebook password to send out invites for his events. She decided that she would steal the password and hack into my Facebook and screenshot my conversations with  guys and show them to him. I was humiliated but I came  clean because I didn't want to lose him by lying. 

I told her I was coming to Pennsylvania if she ever messed with me again. She thought I would come to Pennsylvania, the truth is I would not have.  Because that "hood" part of me was dead. I had won the battle he came back after leaving me. I came clean and told him yes I slept around after he dumped me, while we were done. I could not believe she would try to "out" me. Was this part of girl code ? No it wasn't, trying to slut shame me wasn't cool especially on every avenue of social media. I dealt enough with slut shaming in high school and in life to have some crazy chick try it again. On a daily basis we went back and forth on Instagram and Facebook. She did not like the fact I refused to allow her to make me feel bad about my past. It was supposed to Girl Code but there they were making fun of me on social media. They all commented on my body, speculated about my sexual past all with a you go girl. How was that Girl Code? I admit now at thirty and said and posted hurtful things this was in retaliation for her hacking into my FB. But that in no way shape or form gave her the right to humiliate me. 

To this day I could never forgive her she hacked into my Facebook and ruined any chances of his friends and family without ever meeting me without knowing some of my so called "history." The looks I get  from friends when they meet me. His family greeted me with open arms. The first time I met them I had to also tell them I was pregnant. 

She deactivated her Facebook but now she's back. I told my husband to make amends with her. Honestly if she never did what she did like hack into my messages she wouldn't have know a lot of things that she did. To know that she read my messages in my daily life showed me how immature she truly was. Two years later we are happily married and work together. 

I wish her nothing but the best.  But for me Girl Code doesn't exist!!


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